Reversing the Curse

Well, so much for that jersey's curse! (still, why Ortiz? Why not Manny? He's more lethal to the Yankees...or Schilling?) The Yankees have buried something of greater karmic weight than any silly shirt....Bernie Williams.

Citing a need for physical and spiritual cleansing after a Boston Red Sox fan entombed a David Ortiz jersey in the floor of the new facility, the New York Yankees buried former centerfielder Bernie Williams under 4,650 pounds of concrete Wednesday in the foundation of the new Yankee Stadium for good luck.

According to team sources, the instant the 39-year-old Williams was completely submerged in the rapidly setting structural material, stopping his voice as his lungs and mouth filled with concrete, the sun broke through the clouds and shone on the yet-incomplete field. Yankees part-owner Hank Steinbrenner called the occurrence a sign indicating that the "Curse Of A Red Sox Fan's David Ortiz Jersey" had been reversed, and that God was once again on the Yankees' side.

"Any attempt to put a hex on the New York Yankees has been successfully averted," Steinbrenner told reporters while standing over the still-wet concrete slab beneath which, judging by the sluggish ripples and lopsided bubbles in the hardening agglomerate, Williams still struggled. "Not that this organization believes in curses. We're the Yankees. We believe the success of our team is based purely on our players and their on-field performance. And we act accordingly."

"However," Steinbrenner continued, "Bernie was on our last World Series team in 2000, so we figured burying him under our new home certainly couldn't hurt. Also, he was available, and his appearance fee was quite reasonable."

[snip]

"By giving Bernie this chance, we have once again proven why we are the classiest organization in all of sports," [Yankees President Randy] Levine added. "Lesser teams would have overreacted to this whole curse thing and buried Derek Jeter."

From The Onion, naturally...very, very funny stuff. Why can't I be this funny?

H/T Peter Abraham.