Thanksgiving?

So, it's Thanksgiving today. Been a very up and down kind of day for me. On the one hand, I cannot count the number of ways the Lord has blessed me this year. On the other hand, all those blessings have come in the shadow of some truly horrible events.

My life right now doesn't even remotely resemble what it was one year ago. And the amount of tears, fears, doubts, and trouble that have gotten be from Point A to Point B is simply breathtaking. There's a part of me that's shocked that I'm still breathing (smaller part was disappointed for a while that I was). So I don't want to be thankful. I don't want to feast. I want to be angry. I want to be depressed. I want to be resentful.

And then I'm trying to get Arnold down for that nap that he so wants and so needs. So I'm singing softly to him (anyone would rush towards unconscious state to avoid my voice). But I'm mangling the standards--shuffled so many lines around in "Be Thou My Vision," I might have conjured up a demon. Couldn't remember the "new" tune for "Rock of Ages." So I reach for my mental psalter, since I'm pretty sure that showtunes wouldn't do the trick--I know "Love, unrequited, robs me of my rest" would just rile him up (especially if I do my killer Mandy Patinkin impression) Stop laughing, girlfriday, Lucy and Huck!

Ahem. Where was I? Oh right.

So there I am singing to my boy, and I say these words.

Yea, though I walk in death's dark vale,
Yet will I fear none ill,
For thou art with me; and thy rod
And staff me comfort still.

My table thou hast furnished
In presence of my foes;
My head thou dost with oil anoint,
And my cup overflows.

-from Ps. 23
(via the Scottish Psalter 1650)

and then I stop and think about what I just sang. I think about the table covered in food we'd just left--and that wasn't even in front of my enemies. hmmm.

Yeah, but what about all that craptactular mess my life is so full of? What about the trials? It's then that my old friend, my constant companion of late, James 1:2 comes to mind, "Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds." And I remember the words of Geoffrey Thomas on that verse,

This is a command. It is as much a command as, "Thou shalt not steal" or "Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself." We are under obligation to the Lord we serve who told our brother James to tell us 'we must count it pure joy whenever we face trials.' That is our duty. We are sinning if we disobey these words.

And I know I agree with those words, because I quoted them when I preached on the passage a couple of years ago. :)

And if I'm counting something as joy...what should me reaction be to it?

Gratitude.

So we're back where we started.

Thank you Lord, for all the skubalon in my life. Thank you for the discipline. Thank you for the trials. Thank you for the hardships. Thank you for the long, dark nights of the soul. If for no other reason, I'm thankful because in your wisdom, You have determined to bring them into my life. I'm thankful because I'm reminded that "testing of [my] faith produces steadfastness." And when that has its full effect, I will "be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing."

More than that, I'm thankful for the blessings you've granted in the midst of this mess. Thank you for the comforts--materially, emotional, and spiritual You have granted. I thank you for the means by which you've brought them to me--Your Word, Your Spirit, my kids, my family, my friends, my brothers and sisters in Christ. For those who make me laugh, those who distract me, those who support me, those who encourage me, those who pray for me. Particularly for the few who do all of those.

Thank you, Father.

How good it is to thank the Lord,
And praise to thee, Most High, accord,
To show thy love with morning light,
And tell thy faithfulness each night;
Yea, good it is thy praise to sing,
And all our sweetest music bring.
- from Ps. 92

(via The Psalter, 1912)