Fun at the Optometrist

So Monday, my elder two and I go to the optometrist--Frodo and I are overdue for checkups, and Samwise is a little overdue for his first exam. My extended family has been going to the same doctor for approximately forever, but sometime since Frodo and I have been in, he's added a new person to the clinic.

Samwise is having a blast--this is all new to him, he's getting to do things (not just get poked and prodded like at the pediatricians). Frodo's just doing his thing, trying to show how old hat all this is .

The new guy is young (not that the other doctor is exactly old--but like myself, he's getting there, I guess). I'm willing to bet that this is his first job. He honestly looks like he should be doing tech support somewhere--he's definitely got the body for it. Now, he's trying to interact with my kids on their level, I'll give him that (oh, I hope he is, anyway...please don't let him address a senior citizen that way!). Using lingo that shows he's hip, kinda funky, etc. I recognize the symptoms of someone trying to show kids that he's cool, because I used do the same thing when interacting with kids. Until I realized my intrinsic cool-ness made that unnecessary--or was it that I recognized that I was so hopelessly lame that trying so hard made me even lamer (I always get the two confused)?

Samwise does great. Little farsighted, but that's the norm at this age, will be nearsighted eventually (like everyone over 18 he's related to). Young Doctor seemingly on a whim pulls out a couple of "new" tests to try on him. He does fine with those--including one test that he shouldn't do that okay with 'til he's 10 (didn't really get an explanation on that one).

Then comes Frodo's turn. Now, Frodo isn't as outgoing as his brother and he's either just uncomfortable in general, taken aback by the Doctor not talking like a grown-up, or his typical reserved self. Tough to tell without a few more clues than I could get. But it's clear from the get-go, that he's not going to interact with the man like Sam did. I try to joke with him a bit to loosen him up, but he shoots me a look to shut that down. Ahhh, it's performance anxiety. Type-A personality has kicked in and he has to be perfect on these tests. I get it now. Doc runs him through a couple things, and then whatever the next test is, basically blinds him with a bright light. Now Frodo's very light sensitive, and he's trying to recover, I try to buy him some time by mentioning this to Young Doctor who doesn't seem to register that I've spoken. His eyes are watering like crazy and he can't keep them open. Young Doctor is trying to move on, and Frodo's not ready. He's using his index fingers on each upper eye lid to try to pry them open so he can look at whatever he's supposed to be looking at. Young Doctor tells him to stop playing and open his eyes. I tell Frodo to take a minute and let his eyes recover. He rubs 'em pretty hard (probably not helping matters) and tries to get back to work--eyes still not wanting to open. Young Doctor is getting frustrated, moves on to another test. Frodo's back to prying his eyes open. Young Doctor is telling him to knock it off. He finally turns to me and says that he can't work with him like this, and he'll try after he's done with me, if that's okay. I shrug, "sure."

So Young Doctor turns to Frodo and tells him, in a very frustrated tone, to get down, he's done. Maybe when Dad's done he can try again, but he doesn't have time to deal with people that are playing around, not taking this seriously. Very dismissive. Now I know this tone, I use this tone on a fairly regular basis (and feel bad about it afterwards). Also, I know my boy wasn't playing.

I so I stand between the boys and Young Doctor, "You don't talk to my son this way. Come on boys, we're out of here." Slamming the exam room door, we march out, as quickly as I can gently prod them along. They can tell something's up and move quicker than normal (why can't they move like this all the time?) I'm storming through the reception area and proclaim to the gals in the front that "We are done with this office. That man just insulted my son. He has no right to talk to a kid like that. Not just we're done, but..." I list off a handful of relatives--all of whom spend more money there in a year than I do in three.

We're getting into the van, and it occurs to me that I've already paid for three exams! But I'm fuming too much to go back in. So I drive for a few blocks, cool off a touch, and call them. I get the gal who did the initial part of the exam, she's speechless at what I tell her, assures me that she'll talk to Old Doctor personally and mail me my check. Phew!

She calls me back an hour or so later, she's talked to Old Doctor, who wants to see us in a couple weeks, will do the exam himself. She also tells me how great she thinks my kids are--and how she didn't want the day to end without someone saying that to me. Didn't do much for me, but it helped.

Still steamed at Young Doctor. Sorry, you don't talk to patients like that. Period. If you're a genius like House and saving someone's life? (while being fictional) Go for it. Abuse people. If you're some puffy punk kid who's doing a routine eye check? Be nice.