Filling in the Context - Updated

I feel like a quote out of context
Withholding the rest
So I can be for you what you want to see

-Ben Folds Five

For the last new months that's kinda been the M.O. around here--not necessarily so much so that I can be what you want to see, but what I wanted you to see. Some really nasty stuff was going on in my family life, and I didn't put any of it up here for various reasons (e.g., own sense of privacy and shame; not sure how it was all going to play out; didn't want to deal with it all in public; didn't want to say something here that would make things worse in the analog world; and that thing Luther said about confessing one another's sins...). I've known I've had to say something about it eventually, and some time back, I decided today's the day.

So here I'm meeting my self-imposed deadline. But doing it with a much lighter heart than I'd anticipated. See, right now, I was scheduled to appear in court as the defendant in a civil matter. (Can't believe I'm still hedging on using the word...oy vey. Okay, deep breath, type out the word) The civil matter in question was a divorce.

Last fall, my wife of 9 years and change had enough. The near-decade of we two stubborn sinners co-existing had taken their toll--mostly because we were really lousy at practicing what we preached about family life (forgiveness, taking time for each other, plenty of time in prayer, talking through issues surrounding finances, child care/education, and whatnot). This served as giant wake-up call to me, and with some reflection, I couldn't imagine why she'd stuck with me as long as she had.

Please don't take my saying that she left has any kind of accusation--I just put it there stating the fact. I completely understand, I wouldn't live with who I was either.

For the sake of time, we'll fast-forward through the months of mutual loneliness, despair, doubt, fear, lawyers (speaking of fear), retainers, custody mediation, and assorted skubalon. Because the important thing to focus on in any story like this is the grace and mercy of our Heavenly Father--which was present thanks to friends, circumstances, covenant children, and the prayers of people near and dear to us (and many we barely know!) being the means that the Spirit worked through. Enough to keep us afloat, but not enough for us to forget how much we needed it--more importantly, enough to do some hard work of mortification and sanctification.

And then 26 days ago/251 days later, the greatest thing happened, something I'd kept praying for, tho by that time, I'd decided that God wasn't going to say yes to this one. My wonderful wife summoned up her courage (which she has in spades), pushed aside her pride and fear, and asked if we could things out.

And what work it is! But what a joy in the labor! The days since have been filled with love, joy, laughs, tears, hugs, kisses, forgiveness, apologies, hard choices, hard words (to hear and say). We're doing counseling, reading all the right books (re-reading things we hadn't really applied as we should, too), re-prioritizing, planning, sacrificing our own needs/desires, praying, praying, praying (see, I've learned how much more faithful He is in answering than we are in asking), and anything else we can think of to make this work the way it should--just like we'd spent the last few years not doing. We've got a long, hard road ahead of us, but we're walking it side by side. If you're the praying type, we could use some.

There's been a lot of evil intended in our relationship--especially lately--but we're starting to see what I'd been clinging to the last couple of months--God intended it for good.

That's not an easy thing to say, but it's true. It's easier because of the wonderful wife that God gave me. She's my best friend (and a pretty decent enemy when she has to be), my partner, my soul-mate. I can look in her eyes and feel more things than I can in all the best novels written, songs sung, plays acted, and movies filmed put together. I'm about to head into Sappy Cliché Land, so I'll spare everyone that and wrap things up by saying she's still the Girl of My Dreams and the Love of my Life.

This was supposed to be one of the worst days of my life (second only to the day she left), but instead it's just a good day. Not great, and definitely not bad, good. One where I can follow the wisdom of the Preacher with a clear conscience and a song in my heart. And that's really all a guy can ask for...

Go, eat your bread with joy, and drink your wine with a merry heart, for God has already approved what you do.

Let your garments be always white. Let not oil be lacking on your head.

Enjoy life with the wife whom you love, all the days of your vain life that he has given you under the sun, because that is your portion in life and in your toil at which you toil under the sun. Whatever your hand finds to do, do it with your might, for there is no work or thought or knowledge or wisdom in Sheol, to which you are going.

Eccl. 9:7-10

us, 27.1 miles away from the courthouse :)